Delayed Happiness

I don’t even know where to start. I am seated at the airport lobby listening to the rustling engines of the plane I was supposedly meant to leave on. How this mess came about is hard to explain. The person who was supposed to book my flight rode with me to the airport and wished me a safe flight, despite sending everyone but me an email that clearly stated that I would not be on this particular flight. 

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Sounds like an episode right out of “La Revancha”- The Revenge, a common Mexican Soap Opera that aired on local television when I was growing up. As luck would have it, I have also already lost my room at the hotel where I was staying and the number to other only decent hotel I could stay at is perpetually busy. Seems like I am just about to discover the dingy River road motels and lodgings this side of Somalia! It is obvious: misfortune favours those not copied on the email! Weirdly though everyone keeps walking up to me to find out how I am doing or waving greetings in the air in Swahili. After bragging endlessly about my newly acquired looks of a rich Somali woman, the thought that I am conspicuously Kenyan is a welcome surprise. 

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However, it doesn’t explain the numerous women who after politely saying hi have proceeded to update me on the latest happenings in Somali language after which I smiled and nodded my head in agreement. The few weeks I have spent here have opened my eyes to see just how much I love Nairobi and Kenya in general.

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 It’s the freedom, climate, awesome friends and family that could never allow me to enjoy long periods away from my beloved country. Almost one hour later, the driver is here to pick me up and I am off back to the office……….last place I want to be and luckily, I have managed to get a room in the same hotel! Apparently my flight has been delayed. I cannot help but wonder what good things are in store for me now that I have been granted one more day in this extremely beautiful land. It may be a second chance for me a to catch up on my piling workload. This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it! 

Harsh Realities

Have you ever thought you were through with something only to discover that you were not? That is me right now. I have spent a considerable amount of time celebrating victories over battles that now seem far from over. I cannot for the life of me figure out how this has happened. The joy, the freedom and the change all felt very real to me! I pride myself in being someone who is in touch with their inner self. How then do I wake up one morning to realize that the impending possibility of unemployment was enough to keep me up all night looking for jobs? 

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I have spent a considerable amount of time acting and feeling like I am in control of all my affairs. I would like to think that I still hold that position. However, I do have to come to terms with the fact that I need to be more patient with myself. Sometimes one could suffer from a bout of worry or discouragement….not a good thing but it happens. What you do after the event is all that matters. 

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Life can be strange at times. Battles can be won and yet you lose the war and sometimes what may seem like a failure may end up being the greatest achievement in your life. It’s all about perspective. How your current situation relates to the bigger picture. As human beings we sometimes long for things that we think would make us happier or more fulfilled and do not get them only to discover much later in life that that was the best thing that could have ever happened to you! Not being able to predict your future is one of the limitations of a human being. The idea that what you do or do not do today may or may not have a significantly positive or negative impact on your life ten years from now or simply in the next one hour is daunting! 

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Personally, I choose to entrust all my worries and fears to God. I trust that He orders my steps and that everything that happens in my life is in His hands. All of it. The good, the bad and the ugly. This is why I can afford to smile and to be happy because the Creator of the universe is watching over me. I don’t have to worry or fear as long as I stay in His will and walk in His ways because He will perfect all that concerns me. When Jesus said that He came so that we can live life and live abundantly, He meant it. However, you have to decide if you want this to be true for your life and to what extent. Do you want to give Him some of your life, half of your life or ALL of it? I have tried the ALL part and all I can say is…..I could get used to living like this! Abundantly!

The Nows…...

There is a thin line between encouragement and deception. One could spur you on to greater heights while the other could potentially lead to the same thing but once discovered, could mean the loss of all gains achieved. Who draws the line between I have had enough and I need to be more patient.

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These two have a great history and have led to some of the most tremendous successes in the world today; for some people they made all the difference. I am still struggling with the triplets: I made it, I am making it and I will make it. Who’s to say that the things I did yesterday are the cause of my success today? Sometimes it is what I didn’t do. Which brings us to: What if they are not?  

Today, I discovered someone I really trusted lied to me about their capabilities, and while I could spend all day thinking about why anyone would want to do that, I choose not to. I know you are thinking they lied they were better than they are….WRONG! The exact opposite, which is interesting in modern day Kenya! Then again, she is not even Kenyan! All the same I am caught in between the disappointment of discovering that they did it to cover for my inadequacies or if I want to be more philanthropic, to spur me on to greater heights! Sounds great doesn’t it? So, how come, I cannot stop wondering if I am any good or if she is very kind?

Nowadays  everyone seems to have a plan for success, a better way of doing things, a new way of thinking. It is always about the past and the future, seldom about the present. What about NOW. I would love to wake up every morning and know that I am living my best life now and that today is the best day of my life. Granted, I am beginning to sound like the countless books gracing book stores and markets all around the world waiting to tell us the new and awesome ways we can be better.

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What if all the stupid mistakes I made and all the fears I succumbed to have made me the strong person I am today? What if all my exes who are now ys have made me all the more ready for my next amazing relationship. I am not trying to justify our mistakes and failures and insecurities. All I am saying is that we only have one life. There is the possibility that if you read all the self help books in the world you would probably be a better person. Nonetheless, the very things we are ashamed of, our despicable actions and sordid pasts that we would rather forget have an immense impact on the decisions that we make today.

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If you ask me, I’d say we need to make a decision about how we want to live our lives TODAY because at the end of the day, it is all that matters. We never really know if we will get to live in the beautiful homes that we save up for or drive the expensive and extremely gorgeous cars that have us drooling all day or even meet our dream man or woman. At this very moment I have a treasure much greater than all the above. I have NOW. This very second, this very minute, this very hour and this very day! So, I am cherishing it! What about you?